Uncle Northcott’s Movie Reviews

Well I decided not to kill myself after seeing  Sunshine, but I’ll still take sympathy cards and donations. Mostly donations, tho. I’ve decided not to be buried or cremated, I want a cannibalism funeral.

Anywho, Hot Rod is ok, I guess. It’s another tame PG-13 comedy. It has a few funny bits, but not much else. Andy Samberg makes great short films for Saturday Night Live like “Lazy Sunday” and ” Dick in a box”, but he doesn’t have the charisma to carry a 1 1/2 hour comedy. SNL alumni have wasted more celluloid than anyone not named Labeouf.

In the movie, Samberg is a wanna-be stuntman who needs to raise money so his step-dad can have heart surgery. He wants his step-dad to live, so he can beat him in a fight to get his respect. The usual problems, misunderstandings and redemption ensue. The same blueprint we’ve seen ad nauseam. Yawn. Everything revolves Samberg and totally wastes the great Ian Mcshane from “Deadwood”, the greater Isla Fisher, the crazy sister from “Wedding Crashers” and the greatest Will Arnett, the sole reason we should not bomb Canada.

You probably think Pam Anderson is why we shouldn’t bomb Canada but the 2 best things about her were made in the U.S.A. Besides shes not even the best Anderson–Gillian is. I’m sure You’ve noticed that I’m meandering here but theres just not much to say about Hot Rod. I can see why Will Ferrell passed on this. So if its 2 am and you’re flipping around Skinimax looking for boobs and Hot Rod is on, it may give You a chuckle.

Next: ?

“Sunshine on my shoulder makes me crash and burn like John Denver”. Was that insensitive? Hey, it’s a hard world in reviewing. Please excuse my language but HOLY TURD FART BUTT. I am so disappointed with this one I just had to vent.

Danny Boyle, who directed this garbage, did the great Trainspotting, Millions and the awesome 28 Days Later, but boy did he swing and miss with this one. The sun’s going out, and the Earth is starting to freeze, so some scientists are sent with a bomb the size of Manhattan to jump-start the sun. The movie joins them 16 months into the trip. The first ship that was sent dissappeared so this is part 2 of the idiot space express.

Now here’s the kicker, the first ship was named “Icarus 1″ and these cheeseheads are in “Icarus 2″. I’m sorry but I’m not going near the sun in anything named Icarus. If the ship’s named “Margarita” or “Palm Tree” or maybe even “Slip n’ Slide” . . . but not Icarus. The crew is the usual stereotypes: The Plant Lady, The Hotshot, The evolved sensitive man and woman, The Stoic Captain, The Loony Psychologist etc. They get a distress signal from Icarus 1, so instead of doing their duty and saving humanity, they side-trip to check out Icarus 1, and of course everything goes wrong. Then, amazingly it turns into a slasher movie. What a load.

Of course the 1 crew member who remmbers they have a job to do at any cost is portrayed as an unevolved troglodyte, while the wimps who endanger the mission are somehow more human. Bah. Even at 108 Min. it was so boring that the green exit sign to my left held my attention better. Awful, schizophrenic mess from some really good film talent. Sigh.

Next: After Sunshine I might review my own suicide

Not bad, shading toward pretty good.

The T.V. show is a shell of its former self, and the movie follows the same writing direction, even though they brought back writers from years ago. Basically, its one sight gag after another without much depth. I guess after nearly 2 decades there are not many stories left to tell.

Homer causes an ecological disaster that puts the family on the run from the townsfolk. There’s family crises, choices to be made and loyalties tested. I’m being vague in hopes that I don’t spoil to much of the humor. You can’t untell a joke.

The Krusty commercial for “The Clogger”, Bart’s nude skatebording, and Bart’s bonding with Flanders were well done. The family in Alaska slowed everything to a crawl and Marge yells a curse word that seemed out of place. “Damm” would have been ok, but a GD was a bit much coming from Marge.

Anyway the good outweighs the not-so-funny, and as we all know, every movie could use more Ralph Wiggum. If you’re a fan of the show, you know what to expect, but hey, its a brief 86 min. so you have nothing to lose.

Next: Sunshine

It’s called parkour. I was wondering what it is called–not enough to look it up, but wondering just the same. I first saw it in a French film called District 13, but if You saw Casino Royale or Live Free or Die Hard, then you’ve seen it.

It’s an acrobatic way of quickly getting around stairs, walls, rails or any type of barrier. The early chase in Casino Royale and the air duct fight in Die Hard are good examples of parkour. Parkour is French for “route” and was invented in the mid 90’s. I hear video of parkour is all over YouTube, and 2 documentaries called Jump London and Jump England are out.

So watch for parkour in a cinema near you. Thanks to the Star-Telegram for the 411. That’s short for “information” (for my legions of international fans).

A funny thing happened in Best Buy today. I heard 2 boys about 12 talking about an unrated DVD. One was telling the other that unrated means that they added scenes that would have made the movie x-rated in theaters. I didn’t intrude on their dirty little fantasy but thats not really why its unrated. Its unrated because they never submitted it for a rating. Its a marketing ploy. Sometimes they add gore to the movie (not Al that would be nasty). Its almost never nudity but mostly just deleted scenes and behind the scenes extras. Sometimes its as innocuous as the film with director’s commentary, but since it was not submitted for a rating with the commentary, it’s considered “unrated”. Ah, to be young and pervy again. What did I buy at Best Buy you ask? Lucky Number Slevin, The Host and UFC 67.

Adios