Uncle Northcott’s Movie Reviews

“War what is it good for absolutely nothin” Except a good movie that is. What happened in it, you say?

FISTFIGHTS! GUNFIGHTS! SWORDFIGHTS! EXPLOSIONS! FIRE!FAST CARS! NICE SUITS! JET LI! JASON STATHAM! SUPRISE TWIST ENDING! THE YAKUSA! THE TRIAD! TATTOOS! PLASTIC SURGERY! THE HOT LATIN CHICK FROM MY NAME IS EARL! ONE RANGE ROVER! EXPENSIVE ART! THE HOT ASIAN CHICK FROM SIN CITY! BIG BANG BOOM! CHECK IT OUT! NOW!

Go on, we’ll wait. pow

Kidman-Craig=BORING. Discuss

I don’t like “makeup” calls. In sports sometimes a referee will blow a call then intentionally miss a call to make it up. Missed calls are a part of life . . . deal with it. Now back in 1980 and 1990, Martin Scorsese was ripped off and did not win best director for Raging Bull and Goodfellas respectively. He didn’t. Sorry, bad call by the academy.

Well, they decided to do a “makeup call” and give him an undeserved best picture and best director for a 3 hour pile of filmed pigeon droppings called The Departed. My foodstuffs “departed” my body in a projectile manner during this puke-a-rama. Laughable actng, disappearing accents, plot holes, stupid, illogical behavior and the worst special effects rat in history.

The cops know they have an informant, and 1 guy is always on the phone when they’re planning a raid, and nobody suspects anything. The same bad cop leaves paperwork from the mob boss on his desk for anyone to see. The mob knows they have an informant, but that doesn’t stop the head guy from trusting the new guy in his crew. Plot holes and illogic throughout. There’s even a fight between 2 silver screen bad asses Leo Dicaprio and Matt Damon. I distinctly heard 1 break a nail and 1 get his maxi pad knocked loose.

After the above mentioned 2 movies, along with Mean Streets and Taxi Driver, this is not acceptable. Hey Martin, the way to get your career back on track is to get rid of dead weight, like oh, I dont know, maybe LEO DICAPRIO. He singlehandedly sank Gangs of New York and The Aviator. He’s not your muse, hes your refuse. A mannequin, only with less talent.

This is the worst best picture I’ve ever seen, and it’s exhibit A in why you dont do “makeup calls”.

Next: The Invasion