Uncle Northcott’s Movie Reviews

We have a nominee for the mannequin actor hall of fame. Ladies and Gentleman I present Josh Hartnett. I saw Lucky # Slevin on DVD the day before 30 Days and in my humble opinion Josh is approaching the select company of the Costners,Cages and the Petrified King, Keanu Reeves. Josh plays the Sheriff of Barrow Alaska, a town so far north that in winter the sun sets and doesen’t rise for 30 days. On the last day of sun a stranger, played by My new fav actor Ben Foster, shows up and starts killing dogs, busting up their heliocopter and wrecking anything that the townsfolk could use to escape or call for help. The sun sets and the killing starts. The town has to defend itself for 30 days against a Vampire gang. The Vampires are creepy eastern Euros and the attacks are well staged. These are not fastidious Vampires. The blood goes everywhere and when your food supply is limited try saving those ruby red drops. I guess these Vamps never heard of conservation. Al Gore will be sore. Al Sore. A few plot holes of course but in all a good moody horror flick. A few of my favorite Vampire films: The first 2 Blades- The Lost Boys- Near Dark- The 1922 Nosferatu- Fright Night- John Carpenters Vampires,and my all time favorite The Night Stalker. Scared the Jolly Ranchers out of a young Uncle Northcott, As you can see from my list I like my Vampires violent, remorseless killing machines not sad tortured souls. Next: No Country For Old Men.

Evil genius Shia Labeouf has been captured!!!

Was he running drugs? No. Murder? No. Keeping his pimp hand strong? No. Pillaging? Drawing and quartering a Nun? Burning an orphan at the stake? Not exactly.

Criminal trespassing. HA HA HA. Not at a strip club, opium den or munitions factory, but in a Chicago Walgreens. I guess the effeminating of Hollywood is complete. In the old days, it was drunken brawls, now its hanging around the makeup section of Walgreens too long. How many movie stars would you be afraid to meet in a dark alley? Shia? Depp? Orlando Bloom? Jude Law? Joaquin Phoenix? The only one to fear is Crowe, and then only if you’re in a T-Mobile store. Boy/Girls now rule Hollywood. I’m saddened for America. Sing along kids! Transformers, more than meets the eye. Transformers, panty boy in disguise. John Wayne forever.

3:10 to yummy is more like it. Christian “Batman” Bale and Russell “phone thrower” Crowe gaze lovingly at each other so much in this western that I thought they were trying to catch the 3:10 to Brokeback Mountain. Crowe plays Ben Wade, a wanted outlaw and Batman Bale plays Dan Evans a rancher who witnesses a stagecoach robbery and shootout. Crowe and Co. head to a nearby town. When the gang heads out, Crowe stays behind to hook up with some wild west hoochie and gets busted. Batman needs money to save his ranch so he joins a posse to take Crowe to catch the 3:10 to Yuma, hence the title. Batmans oldest son Robin, um I mean William joins the posse and they head out with Crowes gang in pursuit. Crowe likes Batman and sees the life and person he could have been. Before the shootin, killin and Robin. Good pun huh. It all leads to a big shootout and everyones a hero. Luke Wilson is good in a small part and the delicious Gretchen Mol sadly, has little to do as Batmans wife. Ben Harper on the other hand is great as Crowes way to loyel sidekick. If you need someone to play a wild eyed manic, Harpers your guy. Check out the episode of My Name Is Earl he was in to see what I mean. I see a long career as a character actor for him. Peter Fonda is great as a hired gun as well. I’d like to be a hired gun but its to dangerous, maybe I could do something a little safer, like a hired melon baller. If your melon needs its balls kicked, You call me. Anyway its a good western and holds up well to the orginal. Not many westerns are released to the big screen anymore so check it out. Btw, in the credits when they list the assistants, Crowe goes by his characters name. I guess he went by Ben Wade at all times. What a pompous jackass. A more contemporary western called “No Country for Old Men” will be out soon. Written by Cormac Mccarthy and directed by the Cohen Bros. it looks good. Happy trails Buckaroos