Uncle Northcott’s Movie Reviews

If its Christmas it must be time for WillSmiths latest CGI spectacular. In this one WillSmith is fighting vampires insted of aliens or poverty. This is the 3rd filming of Richard Mathesons book following “The Last Man On Earth” with Vincent Price and “The Omega Man” with Charlton Heston. In this one a virus that cures cancer mutates and vamps out 90% of humanity. WillSmith is an army docter who is immune and trying to find a cure. He spends his carefree afternoons hunting for food and trapping vamps to experiment on. At night he huddles with his dog in a bathtub in his locked down brownstone. I’ll let you discover the few suprises that the movie has. This is an allright end of the world pic and WillSmith is allways a likeable actor. A few plot holes and lot of flashbacks were OK but my only real problem is that the vamps were badly realised both in look and movement. Still worth seeing. Personally I iked The Omega Man better. Ol’ NRA Heston wanted to kill the vamps not cure them. He objected to his conscience so I guess that makes him a conscientious objector. HA HA HA. BTW If you look quick you can see a Batman/Superman movie ad on a marquee for 2010. Thats a real movie in development that should be out about then. My next post will be a years best and worst list. Some films are out now (Sweeny Todd-Juno-AVP) that I wont see till after the new year so they will have to wait.

Dont be fooled kind reader this is an animated film not a live action movie. The actors wore leotards with green balls on them so that computers could track their movements and animate their characters. I was covered in green balls once and I strongly recommend that you stay away from any leprosy orgy. Anyway this is an entertainng sword and sandal epic. Ray Winstone plays Beowulf, a hero who comes to save Anthony Hopkins kingdom from a monster. The monster is Grendel, played by Crispen Glover who has super sensitive hearing so that everytime the townsfolk have a drunken party Grendels ears hurt so much he goes on a rampage. Basically Grendel just wants his neighbors to keep it down. Lots o’ good mayhem ensues but I coulden’t understand a word Grendel says. He needs subtitles. Just like Crispen. After Beowulf dispatches Grendel he runs ino Grendels mom played by Angelina Jolie. Beowulf makes a deal with the sea slut that he soon regrets. I know what you are thinking, no Jolie diden’t adopt Grendel from some third world cesspool. Beowulf ends up having a climatic battle with a really cool dragon in one of the better fight/chase scenes You’ll ever see. The animation works really well in the frantic fight scenes, but in the quieter, human interaction scenes the people look waxy and a little off. I enjoyed Beowulf and give it 3 stars out of 1,000. No wait thats not right, I’m bad at math and astronomy. Well just go see it. In 3D. Next: I Am Legend

Its a Mist-ery why this was even made. HA HA HA. Now you know why I was voted Bon Mot Master of 1983. Actually this isn’t a bad little horror movie. In a quaint little Maine town {yes its based on a Stephen King short story} a huge electrical storm knocks out the power, so mediocre actor Thomas Jane takes his mediocre young son to a market to stock up on supplies.While there a strange mist rolls off the lake into town. A bloodied man runs into the store screaming “SOMETHINGS IN THE MIST”. Soon people are taking sides, joining cliques and trying to guess whats happening. You have soldiers, the unbelievers, the heros and of course the crazy Christians. In our politically correct Hollywood world You cannot stereotype or denigrate anyone, unless its Republicans and Christians then its open season. I’m not a Christian, I’m a born and raised Snake Handling Wiccan Vegan Pagen Buddhist Sun worshipper but a vast majority of Americans have Christian ideals so why not a Christian hero for once. The Crazy Church Lady and her crazy little helpers aside, there are some tense scenes, ok effects and a silly ending. The Mist is a not bad King adaptation. Not as good as Shawshank or Dead Zone but not as bad as Cujo or Needful Things. Next: Beowulf 3D

Holy crapazola we have a winner. Front runner for movie of the year. Good writing, good direction,good acting, good everything. The story is based on a Cormac Mccarthy book where a good ol’ boy played by Josh Brolin comes across a drug deal gone wrong in the desert. Bodies, drugs and 1 survivor are all thats left. Josh follows a blood trail to a dead man and 2 million in cash. He takes the cash, but later his conscience gets the best of him and he takes water to the now dead survivor. Unfortunately more drug dealers show up and in one of the best chase scenes ever Josh barely gets away. The dealers get the vin number off his truck and now they know who their looking for. The bad guys dispatch one of the all time great contract killers in movie history to find their money. Javier Bardem plays the ruthless assassin and should be a shoe in for an Oscar nod. As the 2 guys go to war over the money Sheriff Tommy Lee Jones tries to end the bloodshed. A cat and mouse gun fight that starts in a sleepy motel and spills out into the late night street is a terrific set piece. Alot of critics and movie goers dont like the ending, but their wrong. No, theres no big showdown like in every other movie in the last 70 years or so but it makes sense in what this movies trying to say. This films about greed, how drugs changed the Texas/ Mexico border and a general loss of decency in humanity, If you like movies and are sick of laying your hard earned cash down for badly made garbage, DO NOT MISS THIS MASTERPIECE. Next: The Mist