Uncle Northcott’s Movie Reviews

Theres a show on The Sundance Channel called Iconoclasts. One episode had Mike Myers interviewing Deepak Chopra, (Deep Crap Clap Trap) about his books on self-help thru Indian philosophy. As You can tell I’m not big on self-help jabberwocky, so naturally I was afraid that The Love Guru would be nothing but an infomercial for Myers new belief system. Well bust my britches and bless my soul thats exactly what it is. I picture a Mike Myers writing session as “write down my beliefs, then add all the tired, unfunny, rejected ideas from the Austin Powers scripts so I can educate the ignorant, unwashed masses! Yea me!” Um Mike? Want to make me happy? Make me laugh. I’m really not inteested in, and tired of hearing about celebs beliefs. Religious, political, environmental, I don’t care what a bunch of coked up bulimics think. Your in the ENTERTAINMENT business so ENTERTAIN me, don’t preach to me. Whats the movie about? A Guru gets hired to help a Maple Leafs hockey player get back with his wife. If he does he gets $2 million and a guest shot on The Orca, um I mean Oprah Show. Everyone gets enlightenment and is very happy happy joy joy the end. Really its just unfunny puns, penis and dwarf jokes. For a movie about love, peace and self betterment, its awfully mean spirted toward little people. Besides penis jokes are not funny. The penis itself is not funny. Hanging around, staring with its 1 unblinking eye. Creepy. At least Ben Kingsley and 1 expression (wooden) Jessica Alba draw a paycheck from this dreck. Worst written movie EVER. Even worse than my script “Fart Monsters From Planet Booger.” Or was it “Booger Monsters From Planet Fart?” Anywho to protest Myers Indian beliefs I’m going to eat a cow. Whole. With extra hoofs. Dont even watch this on free T.V. Next: I Dunn No