If I had a dog I’d name him Jabba The Mutt. Anyway The Clone wars takes place long, long ago and far,far away. I think we are talking about the 1950s and somewhere near Waco. Not sure but moviewise this takes place between Episode 2: Attack of the Clones and Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. The war is raging between The Galactic Republic (soon to become the Empire, Boo Hiss) and the Confederacy of Independant Systems( The Jedi’s and soon to be the Rebels, Hurray). The Evil Count DooDoo, er I mean Dooku has outer rim criminal leader Jabba the Hutts son kidnapped. The idea is to frame the Jedi and then Jabba will let them use his trade routes. Anakin “Vader”Skywalker ( cartoon Anakin is a much more expressive actor than Hayden Christianson) gets sent to retrieve Jabba’s son, but before he leaves he gets saddled with Ahsoka Tano, a wisecracking, teenage girl trainee. And heres where it gets disturbing folks. Anakin is in his early 20s and secretly married to Princess Amidala ( cartoon Amidala is a much better actor than Nat Portman) and with the looks, banter and having to care for Junior Jabba like parents, their somewhat romantic interaction seems rather creepy. Careful Annie or you’ll be Skywalking to prison. Anakin, Tano and Obi-Wan have lightsabre fights and spaceship battles all the way back to Jabba’s hut to return Stinky Hutt. The animation is ok tho some of the humans look kind of box like, but overall alright. The voices are mostly new and good with Sam L. Jackson, Chris Lee and Tony Daniels as the only hold overs. Really this movie is a 98 min. preview for the Cartoon Network Clone War series this fall. Nonetheless this is an entertaining watch and new Star Wars is always welcome. Especially when George Lucas did not write any of it. Now if you will allow me to lower the mood for a moment I have an Earth shattering confession to make. Well here it goes: I HATE YODA. There, now its out in the open. I despised the little toad from the moment I laid eyes on it. From his speech ( take an english class you will) to his old wino gait, he’s a fraud! He gimps around till someone tries to lightsaber his green butt, THEN he suddenly remembers he can move like lightning. I call FAKER! FAKER FAKER BELLYACHER! Yoda is nothing but a short Jar-Jar Binks. Blah says I. If your in the mood to have a laugh, and who isn’t these days, both Family Guy and Robot Chicken have Star Wars parodys out on d.v.d now. The Clone Wars, check it out. Next: I’m not telling, You’ll have to wait. The suspense is killing me!

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